Tuesday, July 6, 2010

It Was Never Truly Over - Part 3

**This may be triggering so please proceed with caution**

The first time I saw my mother put my two year old sister in the kitchen oven, I passed out. I had only ever known my sister and I to be the ones to be abused in any situation. This single event made me wonder if there was any good in the world.

My second oldest brother, K-2, would trap me in a corner of the house, grab me, and then take me downstairs where he would duct tape me to a chair. Sometimes his friends would come over and join in with him. They called me crude names and took turns fondling me. Sometimes we would be down there for hours.

The church my new parents were members of taught beautiful things, I just couldn't ever believe them. They said parents were good and taught their children well. They were protectors from evil and were there to show you the good. They never hurt you and would listen to what you had to say. All of this was a load of crap, in my mind.

The only parents I had known had hurt me in more ways than anybody could ever imagine.

There was one boy my mother sold me to who did not force me to have sex with him. Instead, he held me and let me cry on his shoulder. He told me he would tell my mother we had done it so I wouldn't get into more trouble. I later found out that his father had forced him into this and he didn't want to hurt anybody. He was only my age.

It is all scattered and coming back to me in fragments. It is very hard to talk about and yet I feel this overwhelming need to tell because I can. I have that right now that I didn't have before.

4 comments:

  1. at least you are writing it out its far better than stuffing it all back down, well done

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  2. You do have the right to tell - it is very freeing.

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  3. Take gentle care of yourself as you tell of your past. It brings up a lot of feelings I bet. It can get overwhelming at times.

    Lothlorien

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  4. Thank you all for your comments.

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